Tuesday, November 18, 2014

My Condition

Mapitis - A Serious Disease

     My name is Sanjeev Bhaskar, and I play the fictional indian doctor for a BBC television show. My passion for acting has helped develop my interest in medicine, which led me to my discovery of mapitis. I diagnosed myself with mapitis 2 years ago, when I was on set in a Geography classroom. The room was covered in maps of all sorts of countries, cities, and continents. But that's when something strange happened - I felt a burning desire inside of me to have sexual intercourse with them. It was the most fleeting moment of my life. There I was, surrounded by a collection of the most intricate maps, but I could not make a move because there were staff members all around me. Then I had an idea. Since I was the leading actor, I was given keys to all rooms on the premises. So, at 2 o'clock in the morning (the most romantic hour of the day), I snuck into the Geography classroom and I intimately connected with the maps. I will not detail this experience because it was a memorable moment that I would like to keep between myself and the maps. However, there are side effects to this disease. It is called mapitis because although it gives you the sexual desire to have intercourse with a map, it overcomes you with fear of the unknown.

     I have seen many doctors about this condition and even contacted the creators of the Oxford English Dictionary to add this disease to the dictionary. They disallowed it because it was not yet "scientifically proven", "real" or "sensible". So, to satisfy myself until it becomes an actual word, I created the definition for myself! Indulge, my lovelies!

This is me